Lessons from Grief (Pt.1)

TROWEL & SWORD

Lesson One: God

Rev John Westendorp

Some people keep a journal. That’s something like an overgrown diary. They particularly tend to commit their thoughts to writing in times of difficulty. That provides an outlet for their emotions. I guess that it’s a little like thinking out loud—on paper.

The British writer, C. S. Lewis, committed to writing his thought about his grief when he lost his wife of but a few years. Joy died of bone cancer and Lewis was deeply grieved about his loss. Lewis later decided to share that grief by having his journal published.

As I’ve worked at coming to terms with my wife, Ali’s death, I recently reread his book, “A grief observed”. While I do have some issues with some of what C. S Lewis writes (he seems to allow for the possibility of there being a Purgatory after death) I found much of what he wrote very helpful. That made me think that perhaps sharing some of my own thoughts of these last couple of months might also be found helpful by others. So I hope you won’t mind me filling some pages of T&S with some of my reflections.

Of course the first and foremost consideration for me has been... God.

Despite the huge gap Ali’s departure has left in my life the Lord has given me an overwhelming sense of peace. His presence has been a daily comfort. Especially the Gospel puts it all into perspective. Because of the saving work of Jesus it is now true that being absent from the body means being present with the Lord. That’s wonderfully reassuring for me as I think of the vision of glory that Ali is now able to enjoy.

During these past weeks I have often found myself wondering how people cope with the loss of a beloved spouse when they do not know Jesus as Saviour and Lord. I guess the sad reality is that they don’t. I have taken funerals of people from non-Christian homes where the despair was painfully obvious. In contrast I have often had unbelievers express their amazement to me when they witness a Christian funeral and when they see how Christians deal with their grief.

The gospel is real. And the reality of the gospel is one of the greatest strengths in our bereavement.

Because of that I’ve become increasingly conscious of Paul’s words to the Thessalonians that while we do grieve we do not grieve as those who have no hope.

Years ago a friend of my father suddenly lost his wife. They were in their seventies and had been married for more than fifty years. When she died this man said to may father, “Life goes on but the shine has gone off it!” In a sense I now know exactly what he meant.

Yet today I find myself disagreeing with that man. If life has a shine to it, where does that shine come from? If the shine comes from one’s spouse then our spouse has surely become an idol. No! The shine of life comes from the one who is the Light of the world. And no matter how deep the grief, if He is still with us as He has promised then the shine won’t go off life even if when your beloved spouse is taken from you.

Please don’t think that I’m down-playing grief. I understand that this kind of firsthand encounter with death brings some very black moments. In the weeks after Ali’s death I had some gut-wrenching moments – they kind of sneaked up on me when I was least prepared for it. One such instance was a two-hour car trip. My first long trip without Ali in the co-pilot’s seat. That was a miserable two hours, as I remembered how we always enjoyed travelling together. Yet even in those moments I was conscious that there was another Co-Pilot and he was in control and that Ali is now in His presence in person and that His Spirit filled the car in which I was driving. In a sense that united us and helped put my grief into perspective.

How do people handle loss of a loved one without God? How do people cope with death in the family without God? In these past days and months it has become so very obvious to me that having Jesus in our life is the only adequate answer to grief. Our only comfort in life and in death is to know that we belong body and soul to our blessed Lord Jesus Christ.

To be continued in the next issue.

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